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| leannt3 | 2005.12.10 - 06:22PM | 47: “Freely Given, But Not For Sale” | Signed |
| Um, I just wrote a long review, but when I posted, my breaks between paragraphs went away, resulting in a mess. If anyone knows how I can edit my review and put the breaks back in, please let me know . I will gladly resubmit to make it more readable. Author's Response: It's okay. Next time you want to post breaks, you have to type (with no spaces) < br > for each break. For a proper break, you need to put in two. It's fine, I can read it. | |||
| leannt3 | 2005.12.10 - 06:17PM | 47: “Freely Given, But Not For Sale” | Signed |
| I reread a couple of chapters this afternoon, and just had to say how much I really like what you are doing here. You've taken a premise (Snape as gigolo challenge) that could easily strained the limits of credibility and/or been a PWP, and instead have through your writing and attention to character turned it into a story that is both rich and highly believable. When thinking of your work, I am reminded of what Tolkien wrote about green suns in “On Fairy Stories ” -- it’s one thing to say in a story that there is a green sun, it is a wholly different level of achievement to create a world in which that green sun is a natural and organic part of that world. This is what you have managed to achieve. Instead of just having a SS/HG fic where the attraction between the two is just stated, or built up in the story in a most unconvincing way without really explaining the why behind the attraction (the multitude of fics where Snape suddenly turns out to be SercretlySlytherinSexGodSeverus! once he’s with Hermione come to mind), you have developed the characters in such a way that their interaction is a natural and organic progression in such a character world. Mind you, the former category of story can be fun/great to read too, but what you have done is a whole different level.
As I read your story (especially the last few chapters as we get closer and closer to the anniversary dinner and Hermione’s decision) part of me (OK, a really large part of me) can’t wait until Hermione finally realizes that she’s utterly wasting her time trying to save her marriage with RonPrat, tells him that she’s leaving his ass, and gets together with Snape. After all, the reader has known that Snape is much better than Ron for Hermione for months. However, there’s also the part of me that understands that in order to stay true to Hermione’s character, you can’t just rush the plot ahead to satisfy impatient readers, and I appreciate that you haven’t given in to the temptation to do so (i.e. I completely concur with Allegra Angora’s review to the last chapter and your response to that review). Of course, I am completely hoping that at the Anniversary Dinner Ron and Hermione both realize that they have no marriage worth saving and have a long talk and decide to separate, freeing Hermione to pursue her relationship with Severus. Of course, with Ron’s steroid use augmenting his usual jumping to conclusions, I somehow doubt that he’d be able to have that sort of conversation.
And as you mentioned in your response to Allegra Angora, HG deciding to pursue SS isn’t the be all end all. There’s still what happens after they get together: how will the relationship progress? What happens once SS tells HG about needing those PolyJuice ingredients? Will Hermione understand that he really does care for her or will she think that it was all an act to get her to give him the ingredients? And what will be the final conclusion: Will Hermione leave the country with Severus, Ginny, and Draco? Or will she remain and pursue the potions apprenticeship at Lavender’s company – and if so is it with the plan of joining Severus in exile when she’s done, will he remain for her, or will there be some new evidence brought to life that allows Severus to get out from under the Death Eater decree? (Please note, I am asking these questions rhetorically, as examples of the fact that there’s a lot more to come after SS/HG get together, I am not actually asking you for answers to how the plot will unfold).
Lastly, I just want to mention some of the stuff I’m wondering about, think you may have dropped into the story that may become significant later on, or just random theories I have. Again, I don’t expect you to reply on whether I’m right or way off base with the following. These I’m just putting down on paper, so that in the months to come as the story develops in chapters that have not yet been posted, I can check against myself and see what I was on the right track with and what I was dead wrong about. So on that note…
1)Moody: Is it me or might Moody’s harsh treatment of SS and Draco be a cover up of his own behavior, perhaps he was the one who killed Minerva and doesn’t want anyone finding out? If this were revealed, would the Death Eater Decree be turned over by the MoM, or at the very least convince HP that perhaps Severus should be exempt from the decree?
2) The lemon drop tree: I can’t help but wonder if you’re setting up some plot point with the tree. Either we find out that SS planted it (again showing how much SS actually cared about AD) or it somehow reveals some evidence of SS’s innocence (or Moody’s guilt). Or my favorite theory that it turns out that the lemons have similar magical characteristics to Boomslang skin and therefore can be used in the Polyjuice potion without the ingredients being traceable to Hermione.
3) Hermione’s muggle driver’s license: perhaps the Grangers had more forethought than they realized in convincing Hermione to have a muggle escape route. Hermione can join SS in SF after he’s escaped the UK, thus making it far less likely that anyone connects her with his escape than if she were to disappear from the UK at the same time that he and Draco do. I also can’t help but wonder if the hair dye that SS is currently working on for the Halloween ball won’t somehow come into play in helping someone disguise themselves for the escape.
4) Lavender’s paramour: I can’t help but think that SS’s Kingsley theory might turn out to be a red herring, and that there will be some plot point with who she is really seeing. In earlier chapters, I was wondering if you might not have it turn out that she was secretly into Ron, just to mess with us readers. She may have never gotten over her Won-Won. It would give her an added incentive to be helping Hermione so much by having her see SS as a client and then later not even making Hermione pay (i.e. the feeling that she owes Hermione because of the elves seems a bit like an excuse). It might also explain why she’s not so happy with the prospect with Hermione working with her and/or give an alternate explanation to the “having your cake and eating it too” comment – she’s mad that Ron is still with Hermione. However, as the story has developed and we’ve found out that Ron isn’t just wrong for Hermione (i.e. a nice guy who just happens to have interests that are far different from Hermione’s but could be great with the right partner) but instead is just an utter and total ass, I have now come to the conclusion that that’s not where you are going with the Lavender plot line (or at least I sure as hell hope you’re not, as Lavender in this story is a great woman too and deserves far better than Ron). My other theory is Blaise Zabini – this might help explain why he saved her from the Death Eaters. However, I also wouldn’t mind if in the end (especially if she currently is with Kingsley and he ends up working things out with his wife) she ends up with HP. After all, unlike Ron, Harry is actually a good guy (except for his support of the decree and beliefs about SS and Draco), it just happens that his wife and he aren’t in loved with each other. Perhaps with the right woman (i.e. Lavender), he can have a happy, fulfilling relationship.
Author's Response: iI am thrilled to hear that I have created a believable situation within this little skewed bitof universe I ahve created. That really does mean a lot to me. We'll just have to wait and see how the anniversary dinner plays out. You havea lot of very good rhetorical questions, all will be answered in good time. With the other questions, no, I haven't forgotten, theyare part of the long term story plot line. Question #1: good question, you'll see. Question #2: The lemon tree has a very specific purpose that Hermione will figure out in time. Question #3 Hermione's Muggle documents might come into play, but they will be mentioned in the next few chapters. The hair dye will come up a couple of times in the second act. Question #4: The identity of Lavender's lover will be revealed at some point, just not too soon. Ron has his own issues that will be revealed later, and the motivations for his actions will become better understood. All very good points and questions that will be addressed before the end of my fic. Thanks for your wonderful review!!! | |||
| juleyah | 2005.12.10 - 05:53PM | 47: “Freely Given, But Not For Sale” | Signed |
| This whole chapter made me giggle. Very fun to read. Hoping for more chapters soon. Keep writing! :D Author's Response: Glad to amuse you so much. More is on the way. | |||
| Phaedre | 2005.12.08 - 08:48PM | 47: “Freely Given, But Not For Sale” | Signed |
| I love your story and can't wait for the next chapter.
My real review, however, is for the ratatouille recipe a chapter or two back. It was DIVINE and everyone in my family and all of my coworkers raved over. THANK YOU! Author's Response: Glad you and everyone else enjoyed the recipe. You're welcome. | |||
| Hpfan421 | 2005.12.08 - 02:40AM | 47: “Freely Given, But Not For Sale” | Signed |
| love whats going on so far- excited to know what happens next...please update as soon as you can! Author's Response: My next chapter is with my betas, so more is on the way. Glad you're enjoying it all. Thanks. | |||
| alitheia7 | 2005.12.07 - 03:53PM | 47: “Freely Given, But Not For Sale” | Signed |
| Woah! It's getting a bit too intense... All the characters are almost bordering on hysterical... Ron and his uncontrollable lust and uncontained anger (God I hope he doesn't actually become violent during the dinner) Hermione with her fantasy of having sex for revenge (please no!) and Severus with his unclear resolutions. Actually I'm a bit peeved with him. He just NOW realizes how bad things can be if he doesn't have sex with his customers? Or how important it is to get out of England? But more importantly,why have Ginny and Draco been almost complacent with him? They should have had more talks with him. Severus destroying HIS escape plan for the sake of Hermione is one thing, but what about Ginny and Draco's escape? Ginny really should have a chat with her. You know with all the drama and anxiety while reading this, the scene with Hermione, the gardenia and a masturbating Severus was a delightful read. If there is to be no more intimacy between them any time soon at least let Fred and George send her more toys... | |||
| sweet mystery | 2005.12.07 - 02:58AM | 47: “Freely Given, But Not For Sale” | Signed |
| ohhhhh so much mystery, I am guessing Ron is taking some kind of steriods? If so does that mean he is experiencing shrinkage? Or is that just an urban myth.
Really enjoying your story still, its brilliant.
Author's Response: Perhaps Ron is. We'll have to see what Hermione's test results yield. No, men really do shrink in the nuts, as their body is no longer demanded to manufacture testosterone, the balls slow down production since testosterone is coming from an outside source. Steroids can also cause testicular cancer, which is why Arnold Schwartenegger is a one-eared elephant. | |||
| cathmorgan5 | 2005.12.07 - 01:52AM | 47: “Freely Given, But Not For Sale” | Signed |
| I guess I should have read the other reviews before I posted; almost nobody wants her to go to Snape like this, frustrated, mentally flipping off Ron. I don't think she will, but I do think that eight weeks ago most of your readers would have been completely OK with that, and now everyone is completely invested in Hermione sticking to her principles and self imposed rules of the game. Interesting, if my memory severs me correctly; if not, opps. I didn't read her reaction as wanting revenge per se but just having reached the end of her rope with Ron's derisive comments. And, yeah, the sex toy names were funny. So SS thinks it was a little pathetic that he watched Hermione and got off on it? I think he has a problem with a loss of control, not the voyeurism. In any case, the gardenia flower and what Hermione did with it was just so nicely tangible. Looking forward to the next chapter. Author's Response: No, you are correct. A lot of people were begging me to throw her in the sack with Severus awhile back. Glad you enjoyed the toy names. Yes, it's not so much the voyerism that he's disgusted about, it's the fact that he feel compelled to go to such lengths. You're right. It is a loss of control, his baser desires controlling his logic driven mind. Thanks, next chapter is with my betas right now. | |||
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