Reviews for Marriage Vows
| Village Mystic | 2004.06.22 - 10:30PM | 8: Preparations | Signed |
| An interesting chapter. Lucius over come by fear or another passion to act. But Severus airing his dirty laundry on a Hogesmeed Street? I can understand he might want to tell Mr. Granger, but to be that specific in pubic? You could still use the dialog in a scene in his office. Perhaps before tea while the women are changing? |
| Kimmy | 2004.06.22 - 10:17PM | 12: Fulfilment | Anonymous |
| I have to say tht you are an amazing writer. I love the take you have on this story, it is beautiful. I look forward to the rest. |
| Village Mystic | 2004.06.22 - 10:17PM | 7: The In-Laws | Anonymous |
| I though this chapter was well plotted with good dialog choices. I'd be interested in seeing a later draft of this story some time with a few pauses for more body language, or more five senses information, or more internal dialog. You do have some good description of physical surroundings... but what color was the pudding? Were Ron and Harry figiting, or with plastered smiles to help the in-laws? Any interesting smells? Textures? Door slamming vibrations? |
| Kimmy | 2004.06.22 - 10:16PM | 12: Fulfilment | Anonymous |
| I have to say tht you are an amazing writer. I love the take you have on this story, it is beautiful. I look forward to the rest. |
| Village Mystic | 2004.06.22 - 10:05PM | 6: Going Public | Anonymous |
| Cool chapter. Well written, characterized and plotted. |
| Village Mystic | 2004.06.22 - 09:25PM | 5: Meeting the Parents | Anonymous |
| Most excellent chapter with the plotting, pacing, characterization and surprises. The gestures of both main characters were good. Hermione asking about wanting to kiss more, and Severus taking the lead with giving a muggle town address near-enough to the school and knowing about engagement rings. Still would like a little more body language or internal dialog for both, but nice job of showing how intelligent brave people act. |
| Cammy | 2004.06.22 - 09:00PM | 13: In the Morning | Anonymous |
| Great chapter! you update alot! not that I'm complaining |
| Village Mystic | 2004.06.22 - 08:53PM | 4: Engagements | Anonymous |
I liked the plot and I liked the mutual concern with each other's happiness... however, author your agenda may be showing through a bit too much. Whlie we had a Hermione reaction to the kiss.. it was one scene later... and the story seemed more concerned about making Snape happy before remembering "oh yeah, and Hermione too."
This may just be an "early draft" issue, rather than your agenda, though. |
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