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| Hope_24 | 2008.03.28 - 08:58AM | 2: One | Signed |
| Really 'caught' by this story and can't wait to read more.
It's beautifully written, and a pleasure to linger over some sentences. The characterisation is finely drawn, too. Hermione's behaviour is very believable; given the trauma that she's suffered during the war and the fact that she is struggling with finding a new role for herself as her role as 'Brains' of the trio is coming to an end. Watching her try to cope with depression and a loss of old certainties is engrossing.
Thoroughly enjoying this and looking forward to more. Author's Response: Thank you so much! :) | |||
| Lelayne | 2008.03.28 - 08:10AM | 2: One | Signed |
| Your story has two really great chapters so far. I really don't understand why Sampdoria sees your story so negatively. Your Hermione is going through a rough spot in life, and her two best friends are not available to help her. I think it's perfectly normal that she struggles to find her way in life.
I hope one negative feedback doesn't discourage you from continuing with this story. I, for one, would love to read more.
BR
Lelayne Author's Response: Thank you! :) | |||
| sifferi | 2008.03.28 - 05:41AM | 2: One | Signed |
| I must confess I don't see the story going the way Sampdoria does, but we'll know when we know, won't we? So far I've felt Hermione IS in character, even though she's so very depressed. I still have every confidence that she's going to get up and DO something ...maybe with a little help from SS, who knows. ;) The beginning is original enough, and I'd love to read more! Author's Response: That's the idea. :) Thanks so much for reading! | |||
| Sampdoria | 2008.03.28 - 05:29AM | 2: One | Signed |
| Well, I am not sure what to say. First of all, it is very well written, no doubt about that. But, I can see what I feared after the first chapter with regards to the plot is getting true and I always find it a bit sad when well written stories have a plot so far away from how I see the characters. "Your" Hermione, and "my" Hermione ain't the same person, only their name is the same: I love to read about Hermione, most often paired with Severus, because I admire her for being smart, strong, talented, a faithful friend etc. My impression so far for "your" Hermione is that "nobody wants a smart girl so lets make her stupid so somebody will take a romantic interest in her". To be honest, I wouldn't be surprised if your next move would be to colour her hair blond and remove her curls. Not that I think blonds are stupid, being one my self, but it would follow the cliche line of changing her from a bushy know-it-all to a "dumb blonde" because nobody would love her like she is.... She is nearly picture perfect for being in an abusive relationship, "of course I am so stupid, he said so, so it has to be true". Your Hermione could just as well have been used as a doormat in front of the Slytherin Common room, she is to weak (or you could have made Lavender the "heroine" in your story). My Hermione, as an elleven year old first year, solved Severus riddle in minutes, in seccond year she discovered just what was hiding in the castle before anyone else, all Professors included, and saved the life of both her self and Penelope Clearwater. In third year she stod up against a Professor she knew was a Werewolf and someone she thougth was a massmurderer to defend and protect Harry. In fourth year she stod by Harry and belived in him when most others, Ron included, turned their back on him. In fifth year she initiated an army of students behind the back of an Umbrigde at a warpath, she outsmarted said Umbrigde and served her on a plate to the Centaurs, she followed Harry to the DOM, flying on an invisible horse despite her fear of heigths. After her sixth year she managed to obliviate and hide her parents under the nose of a steadingly more dangerous Ministry, she prepared everything for their hunt for Horocruxes, when Ron failed them, she stod again at Harry's side.
Severus betrayed the one real friend he had, got him self a nice tatoo and caused the death of his before mentioned friend and then spent the years after clinging to a memory of a person who actually never existed. Lily never cared for him as more than a friend and she had no problems getting involved with his worst enemies. He spent decades as the slave of Dumbledore and Voldemort, and even though he had a cover to maintain, his succing up towards the children of the Death Eaters was just as patetic as his treatment of all other students. I refuse to belive that his denial of her reccomandation wasn't colored by the fact that she was Hermione Granger, best friend of Harry Potter, Gryffindor, "mudblood", Know-It-All, strong enough to stand up against, figth and help destroy the Master he has followed and feared for the better part of his life, while she was still barely more than a child her self. He would most likely put the memory of being aible to destroy her dreams into a pensive so he can enjoy it over and over again for years to come. If Goyle or Crabbe had asked for the same recommandation, or his presious Draco, he probably would have spilt his presious ink in the haste of writing glowing recommodations for them.
Nope, the only positive so far is the ending of the relationship with Ron, I really dislike that pairing, even more than I dislike stories based on changing Hermione into someone of lesser value or a Barbie, but it ain't enough to make me enjoy this story. I will probably look into it again sometime in the future when 2-3 more chapters have been added to see if Hermionen has gotten a backbone and/or a revenge on Snape, or if you have made her even more weak.
Keep up writing, I ment it when I said that it was very well written, maybe your next story will be more "my cup of tea":-)) Author's Response: Sorry to hear that. | |||
| Hope_24 | 2008.03.27 - 11:50AM | 1: Prologue | Signed |
| I like this beginning, it really grabbed my attention and made me want to read more. Snape and Hermione seem nicely in character.
Looking forward to seeing where you take this. Author's Response: Thank you! :) | |||
| shuldham | 2008.03.27 - 09:38AM | 1: Prologue | Signed |
| Interested to see where you go with this one. Author's Response: Thanks. :) | |||
| Sampdoria | 2008.03.27 - 09:12AM | 1: Prologue | Signed |
| Hm, it was well written, but I am not sure if I like it or not. Is this going to be one of the stories where the main issue is to make Hermione look like an idiot only able to memorize facts from books while the "magnificiant" Potions Master claims sole ownership of brilliance and the right to tell others how little value they have? And in the end he still finds that he can lower his values enough to start a relationship with Hermione, but only when she has admitted that she is a complete idiot of no value and that he, who has done nothing than wise choises all his life, was and will allways be correct in his evaluation of her worth, or rather lack thereof? There was a trend to write such stories a couple of months ago, where the main issue was to put Hermione down a peg or ten, and having a Severus who lowered himself to care about her anyway as long as she never ever showed any kind of backbone and selfrespect in his precense. That kind of stories will never be my forte. I like Hermione and her brain, skills and loyalty is what makes up her character, otherwise one could just as well written a story about Lavender or one of the Patil-sisters. I think she deserves better than being put down by a man who has made more bad choises in his life than a man claiming to have a brain should be allowed to do. A teacher who, no matter how important it was to suck up to his Death Eater friends, wouldn't know how to treat students fairly and based on their knowlegde rather than on which house they belong to and their status of blood, even if he was paid to do so. I guess and hope that the next chapter will show more of what kind of story this will be. As I said at the beginning, it was well written, so I hope for the best:-) Author's Response: Sorry to hear that. I'm sure you'll find another story in which Hermione's characterization is more in keeping with your individual tastes. | |||
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