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| crystal_rose | 2007.04.01 - 03:33PM | 6: 6: Rung Three – Him | Anonymous |
| 10-03-2007 02:09 Rated 7 This style of storytelling, where you basically cover the same material twice albeit from two perspectives, has the tendency of getting tedious over a length of time. The story doesn't seem to progress, especially if you're quoting actual text from the previous chapter. If you want to continue alternating points of view, I suggest covering material that isn't found in the previous chapter, be it exact quotations of dialogue or narration, or character responses (facial, verbal, etc). Better yet, try to narrate from a third-person omniscient perspective so that you get both points of view at the same time. This is a well written story but I get a sense of deja-view whenever I try to read it. Author's Response: Thanks! I'm sorry the story's structure isn't working for you, but it's not going to change. There are differences between the chapters because HG and SS are two sovereign characters. They have varying thoughts, reactions, and emotions. If this isn't your cup of tea, may I suggest that you chose to instead enjoy the multitude of wonderful stories to be found on SH that don't use this structure or POV. | |||
| aliciana | 2007.04.01 - 03:33PM | 6: 6: Rung Three – Him | Anonymous |
| 09-03-2007 11:09 Rated 10 Oh yes. I'm subliminally sending you Kitkats, Crunchies and Double Deckers...is that enough? Friday morning and I'm coming all undone...... all this and I'm in charge of my three month old grandson. Really! What would the neighbours say? Keep going Ubi. Best wishes, Love Ali xxxx. P.S. In the words of the Ferrero Rocher advert, "You are really spoiling us".......with two chapters at once. Author's Response: Thanks! (yumm - nibbles some of each!) I'm really glad I was able to make your morning! As for 2 chapters at once, there may be a few more of those, but I seem to lose reactions to individual chapters that way. Hmmm. I will try to keep the updates coming no matter what! | |||
| scully_m_ | 2007.04.01 - 03:32PM | 6: 6: Rung Three – Him | Anonymous |
| 09-03-2007 10:36 Rated 10 Yummy. I really like the way you are writing both of them, very canon in my opinion. He is cruel and witty, she is shy but strong... I can not wait for more. Author's Response: Thanks! I'm really glad you're enjoying the story. Thanks for the comment on my characterizations - I'm trying to have them grow from their experiences while still keeping them based on the canon characters. | |||
| Maggie | 2007.04.01 - 03:31PM | 6: 6: Rung Three – Him | Anonymous |
| 09-03-2007 03:36 Yahoo!!! I read him and her together and am leaving the review here.....Excellent!!!!! Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad that you enjoyed both of these chapters and found them excellent - fair praise, indeed! | |||
| JudyM5 | 2007.04.01 - 03:30PM | 6: 6: Rung Three – Him | Anonymous |
| 09-03-2007 02:53 Rated 10 So far, this story is very engaging. I hope to see this story and these characters continue to evolve. Thanks. Author's Response: Thanks! I'm really glad you like it. I've already written around the first 20 chapters, so the story is still going! | |||
| snapeluva | 2007.04.01 - 03:30PM | 6: 6: Rung Three – Him | Anonymous |
| 09-03-2007 02:46 Really good. I like how you give both Hermione's and Severus's POV. I hope Hermione's headache is ok, LOL. Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad that you like the story and that the alternating POVs are working for you! I think part of her headache went away with the slap (grins). | |||
| Myene | 2007.04.01 - 03:29PM | 5: 5: Rung Three – Her | Anonymous |
| 09-03-2007 01:41 Rated 10 poor idiot ron...dosnt realise headace is secret woman speek for 'shove off i dont wnat to snog' Author's Response: Thanks! Yes, he's a bit thick at times, but also sweet. I'm glad you liked the chapter! | |||
| pookah | 2007.04.01 - 03:28PM | 4: 4: Rung Two – Him | Anonymous |
| 09-03-2007 03:24 I think both of your expositionary chapters are very well done. I hope I can do so well, myself. :-) Reminds me of a line from the movie, 'The Great Muppet Caper': 'It's plot exposition; it has to go somewhere." Good job on your plot exposition, and story so far. Author's Response: Thanks! I tried to keep the exposition minimal and tying into what ever was happening around them. I'm really glad it worked for you and that you enjoyed it! Muppets - whee - I used to love the TV show. | |||
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