Everyone seemed to enjoy The Sponge Bath so much that when grangersnape100 introduced the Snape Needs A Bath challenge in honor of it, I wrote a sequel. I hope everyone likes this additional bit of silliness. This is written in the dialog only format, same as the first.

As always, I can only wish these characters were mine.

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The (Not So) Long Awaited Sponge Bath Sequel



“I assure you, I’m fine.”

“Severus, you are not fine. You can’t move. That hex must have caused more lasting damage than we realized.”

“I was in the bloody hospital for six months, Hermione! That water is really cold, woman! ”

“Well, it’s been a year since you got out of the hospital. I’m not sure why you are having these periodic reoccurrences now. And stop whining about the bath water.”

“I’m going to hunt that bloody Hufflepuff down. He’ll never work again.”

“It was an accident, Severus.”

“He shouldn’t be allowed to walk the streets with a wand, Hermione!”

---

“Hermione Granger?”

“Yes. Who are you?”

“I’m Zachary Hensley. I was in Professor Snape’s dueling club.”

“Oh, dear… You’re the one who accidentally hexed him?”

“Umm… yeah, that was me.”

“Hensley!”

“What should I do?”

“Run. I’ll try to stall him.”

“Where did that pathetic excuse for a wizard go?”

“Severus, calm down. It was an accident.”

“I was in the hospital paralyzed for six months; I’m having relapses, and you want me to calm down? He’d better be glad you were here or I’d--”

“You’d end up in prison, and I refuse to give you sponge baths in Azkaban.”

---

“I can’t believe this is happening again.”

“Well, you shouldn’t have gone chasing poor Zachary, Severus.”

“Poor Zachary? He did this to me, Hermione!”

“It was an accident. I’m taking off your trousers now.”

“I expect sex when this is all over, just to let you know.”

“Severus, you know I don’t mix work and pleasure. You won’t get sex until I’m sure the paralysis is gone.”

“Where’s the Healer I annoyed last year? I want her back.”

“You’re an exasperating man, Severus. I have no idea why I married you.”

“Well, I married you for your hand job skills.”

---

“Severus, it wasn’t a hand job! I was washing you!”

“How many times do I have to tell you? I was paralyzed for six months. You leaned over in front of me when you bathed me. I could see right down your blouse, you know. When the paralysis began wearing off, it was only natural I’d get an erection.”

“Here I thought you loved me for my mind.”

“Maybe; but your breasts and your hand jobs…”

“Have I mentioned that you are an abominable man?”

“Once or twice. I can see down your blouse right now.”

“Bloody git.”

“Loathsome tease.”

---

“What is that?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Severus.”

“You’re wearing a bloody turtleneck, Hermione.”

“Oh, that. I thought it might be best if you were to concentrate on the situation at hand rather than my breasts.”

“I’d rather concentrate on your breasts.”

“Well, concentrate on something else.”

“I’d rather not.”

“This is why I was the only one who ever gave you a sponge bath during your six month hospital stay last year.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You’re the most infuriating patient ever. No one could put up with your dry sense of humor except me.”

---

“I want someone else to give me my sponge bath.”

“No one would do it last year, and no one will do it this year, Severus. You’re asinine. No one can stand you any more now than they could at Hogwarts.”

“Asinine? I prefer witty or intelligent.”

“Annoying, crass, rude.”

“I’m getting the feeling that you don’t like me, Hermione.”

“I love you very much, and you know it.”

“Then take off the turtleneck.”

“I don’t mix business and pleasure. I’m not easy, you know.”

“Unfortunately not. If you were, I’d-”

“Severus, stop being a git!”

“I love you, too.”

---

“We’ve identified the problem and created a cure, Severus. Isn’t that wonderful?”

“Finally. Give it to me so I can get out of this bloody hospital. There is this one horrible Healer who insists on wearing turtlenecks during my sponge baths.”

“I’m sure the Healer in question was only trying to maintain professionalism.”

“She was being bloody spiteful.”

“Didn’t it occur to you that she might take her job seriously?”

“Well, perhaps she should have considered that her patient was her husband.”

“Stop sulking, Severus. It doesn’t suit you.”

“I have needs, Hermione.”

“Do you want this cure or not?”

---

“I’m so glad to be home. I don’t think I could have taken that Healer any longer. She’s the most infuriating woman I’ve ever met.”

“Are you still on about the turtleneck, Severus?”

“Well, it was a horrible thing to do to a paralyzed man, Hermione.”

“Seriously, stop sulking.”

“Promise me you’ll never wear another turtleneck again, and I’ll stop sulking.”

“Really, you’re acting childish. Oh, fine. I’ll never wear a turtleneck again.”

“You’re breaking your promise right now, Hermione.”

“I just got home from work!”

“You owe me a sponge bath for breaking your promise.”

“I’m using cold water.”

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A Serious Medical Condition completes this drabble series. I hope everyone enjoys it!