Disclaimer: I only sneak into JK's toybox to play with her toys. I promise to put them back when I'm done.

This was inspired by the Funeral and Smut challenge on WIKTT, just without the smut. See the A/N after for the rules, etc.

Warning is simply a precaution. Given the nature of the challenge and the story, it’s kind of expected. Nothing graphic, don’t worry.

---

Didn't Expect That

It was the one thing everyone expected but never believed would actually happen. I died. It wasn’t during the war, it wasn’t a mysterious curse, it was a plain and simple death. In my sleep, peacefully, during the middle of summer. It was probably the most convenient death anyone had ever had.

One thing most people don’t consider about death is that the soul continues to live. I wasn’t lying when I said it was the next great adventure. I may not be a ghost, I’d lived long longer to have everything sorted out and all my demons dealt with, but I’m still around. The only thing I hadn’t dealt with was my lemon-drop addiction. It seems in death I am granted a never-ending supply of the candy. Excuse me, I think I’ll have one now. Would you like one? No? I have a few to spare if you ever feel like one.

So, where was I? Oh yes. Death. It’s not so bad. No one can see me, which isn’t too unlike life, the only problem being I can’t let people see me when I want to. I’m stuck being completely invisible. But, it certainly does make attending one's funeral much easier, especially on those who may not have completely accepted the loss. One very welcome advantage to death is the ability to talk to people. Well, not entirely. I can suggest things. They won’t know its me, but I can offer consolation and advice. Thank Merlin. I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to meddle anymore. Certainly would’ve put a damper on being dead.

Ah, dear sweet Minerva. My friend and most trusted confidante. Cry your tears, but then move on. You of all people knew it was coming. You have a school to run in the fall. Hopefully you’ll be able to find a suitable, lasting, replacement for Defense Against the Dark Arts. Severus never knew the true reason for me not giving him the post, but it was because I didn’t want anything to happen to him. Not that I wanted anything to happen to any of the other teachers, but Severus had been through enough in his sad life. I had actually been cursed by a Defense teacher of old that I needed to fire. Didn’t take it too well, that chap.

Oh, and there poor Severus is now. Almost lost him in the shadow. He does tend to blend in wearing all that black. Severus, you’d look so much younger if you stopped scowling all the time. There you go, doesn’t it feel nice to just relax for once. Oh, Severus, you deserve some happiness in this life. Ah, Severus, doesn’t Miss Granger look lovely today? Surprisingly black is a good colour on her. She’s twenty-seven years old, Severus. She’s not dating anyone. I don’t think she’s ever had a successful relationship. She’s looking for something, Severus. And you’re not taking the hint. You always were stubborn. I know you care for her.

There you go, good. Oh, I didn’t expect you to put your arm around her so soon, but you never were predictable. Ah, good, at least it didn’t startle her. No, indeed she seems quite receptive to it. A hug? Severus, I’ve never seen you hug anyone. Curious. Seems like something to investigate.

Apparating? Damn you, Severus. Do you know how difficult it is to follow someone when they Apparate? We spirits can’t do it that easily. Well, not us recently deceased. Here we go. You don’t mind a little detour, do you? Good. Just follow me. Be careful, I haven’t had much practice.

Ah, excellent. Hogwarts? I had assumed you’d take Miss Granger home, Severus. Then again, I hadn’t expected you to be so close to her in the first place. You never hinted that your work with her was anything less than torturous. I knew you were exaggerating, but not this much. Hmm... they’re still walking quite closely, aren’t they? Do you know something I don’t? It’s possible, I guess. Highly unlikely. Might as well figure out what’s going on. They walk quite quickly.

He’s leading her to the dungeons? Odd. He’s talking rather quietly. Right into her ear. Curiouser and curiouser. Let’s get a little closer, shall we?

“I will miss the meddlesome old man, but at least we’ll always have our little secret. It shall be my fondest memory of the Headmaster.”

“Oh, Severus. You make it sound as if he never left you alone. He gave you your privacy. I mean, if he hadn’t, this would never have happened.”

“Of course, you’re right. Welcome home, Mrs. Snape.”

WHAT?! I think I may have just died again. Mrs. Snape? Ah, that’s that secret they’ve been hiding from me. But, for how long? Maybe they’ll let something slip. Oh... my... okay, maybe they won’t let anything slip. Oh, maybe I need to step in a bit. Severus, don’t you think the bedroom would be more appropriate for that? No? Okay, well, I’ll just be leaving now. Excuse me Severus, Hermione. I’ll, um, leave you to your consolations.

“Severus, what do you think Dumbledore is doing right now?”

“Hermione, must you ask something like that now?” He had a point there. It may have been a while since I last experienced... those... particular pleasures, but still. It’s rather disconcerting to be interrupted like that. “I’m sure where ever he is, he is peacefully enjoying his well-deserved rest.” Well, I’ve been enjoying it... so far. I could’ve gone all eternity without this particular experience, but I guess I do sort of deserve it for my meddling ways.

Severus! Hermione! Do cover up! This is highly inappropriate! I don’t think they’re listening to me. Well, I suppose I have intruded on a rather... private... moment. And I’m dead. And Hermione hasn’t been a student for eight years. And it’s not their fault if they can’t see me. I’m sure they wouldn’t have invited me in at a moment like this. I wasn’t even supposed to know about them.

Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Snape, for keeping such a secret from me. I’ll just be taking my leave now.

---

A/N: Hope you enjoyed. Just a silly little plot bunny that's been bouncing around my apartment. And now, the rules.

Funeral and Smut challenge

Challenge Rules:

1. This is a one shot, or short story.
2. SS/HG is the main pairing, but there can be others.
3. It does not matter whose funeral it is, but SS and HG must go to it. Be creative, it could be Voldemort's funeral or Trevor-the-toads. It could be SS or HGs spouse. Maybe one of them murdered the spouse.
4. You can't kill off any Weasleys.
5. You must have some type of funeral; the type and location is up to you.
6. POV is your choice. Extra points if the POV is the dead entity.
7. The time of year the event occurs is up to you but must be stated.
8. Why do SS and HG "seek comfort" from each other. Is just an opportunity for sex, are they married, does she comfort him, or vice versa, was it some latent last wish spell of the dead?
It's up to you.
9. This fic can be humor, parody, drama, romance, etc. Story type is up to you.