Having read Mary's clever "Painfully Obvious", I couldn't resist a crack at the 30 minute Tea Challenge myself. Characters are guess who? Setting, relationship etc will be revealed. It acutally took me 32!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognise.

TEA AND SYMPATHY?

“For the love of Merlin, stop behaving like a deflowered virgin! Drink your tea; why don’t you try a little sugar, it’s good for the effects of shock.”

“I am not in shock, and I cannot abide sugar in hot drinks. One might have hoped that after ten months of this ritual…”

“That fact might have penetrated my granite skull. Try to remember, I’m not your aggravating student any more, Severus!”

“If you were, do you imagine I would consent to weekly tea and blather with you?”

“Anyway, I don’t know what you’re so upset about. I only brushed your little soldier. It’s not like I jumped you in the Great Hall or anything.”

“Even a Gryffindor would have a greater sense of decorum than to try that.”

“Don’t bet on it! Did you never hear about Harry bouncing into Lavender’s office wearing nothing but a leather thong?”

“I expect the whole world heard of it, with The Daily Prophet having featured The Boy Whose Cock Glows Green on the following day’s front page.”

“Only because it happened in The Quibbler’s offices. Skeeter always was a sore loser.”

“Your tea is too well-brewed for you. Care to switch?”

“Thanks. I don’t know how you can drink it that way.”

“I lift the cup and sip it, Professor Granger. Unlike certain of your acquaintance, who…”

“Oh, don’t start on about Harry again, it was boring everyone long before you and he took down Voldemort.”

“Little tosspot. I should have left him where he fell.”

“I would never have spoken to you again!”

“Now she tells me!”

“You really are an utter bastard, Snape.”

“Then why are you laughing?”

“I have a soft spot for tall, dark bastards with big balls, hadn’t you noticed?”

“Hmph!”

“Stop playing the coy virgin! Every man likes to have his equipment praised by a woman.”

“You opinion of my equipment is of the highest conceivable value, my dear. However, I’m disappointed you could produce nothing more imaginative than oh, I do feel faint! as an excuse for getting a feel in a crowded hallway. It was nearly most embarrassing.”

“Aaaah, can’t control yourself, lover?”

“Did you not observe Minerva, giggling behind Gregory the Gormless?”

“So, the rest of the faculty have known for ages. Why do you think they started abandoning the staff room every Thursday after lunch, if not to allow us time for something hotter than dunderhead-bashing and a cuppa?”

“The last time we had sex…”

“Made love, darling.”

“Made love during the school day, I lost concentration during the next lesson and that waste of valuable matter and magical energy Watercross melted your old workbench.”

“That’s the great advantage of number-crunching subjects like arithmancy. No immediate risk! Anyway, it’s the end of term next week, and you’ll never have to suffer Mr Watercross’ mishaps again.”

“There will be another, in the new intake. As one hopeless case - yes, like Longbottom - leaves, another - like Watercross - trips off the Hogwarts Express to take his place.”

“Drink your tea and stop grumbling! If you hated teaching that much, you wouldn’t still be doing it. I’ve cured you of that silly obligation to Albus you used to feel.”

“By announcing in the middle of a staff meeting that the old coot’s devious, twisty and slippery enough to be a Slytherin. It’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to him!”

“Gods, you’re annoying, Severus!”

“Not what you were calling me this morning.”

“An incredible, amazing, unbelievable lover, yes, but still, bloody annoying.”

“As long as you still love your bad-tempered old dunderhead-management teacher.”

“Eternally, you great black bat. Bugger, there’s the bell for next lesson.”

“You’d better hurry; fourth-years are almost as afraid of you as they are of me, nowadays.”

“No wonder! I learned my classroom management techniques from the best. My rooms, or yours?”

“Mine. Your bed is too small.”

“It’s cosy for two.”

“And I spend half the night with my feet freezing! I know it’s July, but this is still Scotland.”

“All right, your rooms. Now, don’t you have a first-year class to terrify - I mean, teach?”

“Unfortunately, yes. Until later, Professor Granger.”

“I look forward to it, Professor Snape.”

THE END