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Thanks go to my beta, Southern Witch 69.


Pale-Pink #2

April 1st, 3:09 pm


Back in Black?

“What?” It slips out of me almost unconsciously.

I continue to stare at his face, which is only a foot or so above mine – it’s been three years, and he looks exactly the same. Exactly. Wizarding magic is finally triumphing – he looks better than his age for the first time in his adult life.

He watches me with sardonic amusement, one side of his mouth curved upwards in an expression I haven’t seen on anyone for years – even in the mirror.

I clear my throat and start again. “What is Back in Bl–”

The door flies open and Lee Jordan stumbles in. He pants and grabs hold of the edge of the table to steady himself. “It’s as we thought. They’re out with Decree Number 307 to 309 – a day early, but nothing we weren’t expecting.”

Snape straightens. “What has she targeted specifically this time?” His tone is once again grave.

“307 regulates the appropriate strength of grip to be used for the Two-Minute Handshake – it seems some complained that their comrades weren’t expressing enough enthusiasm.”

Snape snorts and nods. “Go on.”

“Then, 308 dictates that charcoal grey is no longer acceptable, as it has been found to be too ‘depressing.’ In fact, it declares grey a special case – since it lacks appropriately cheery coloration, nothing darker than dove grey is allowed, and all forms of grey are now forbidden for women.” He smirks at that, and Snape joins him.

“But 309 – 309 is the one we heard was coming – it corrects the inconsistencies found in Decrees 114, 157, 261, and 299.” Lee pauses to pull a piece of Pale Pink #1 parchment from his pocket.

“Come on, you wanker –”

“– bloody out with it already.”

“Hem, hem,” he begins in perfect imitation of the Announcement Witch, looking up to shoot a mischievous smile at the room, “Behavioral Decree 307: Careful study by a team of trained specialists has determined that Proper Smiles are to have the following characteristics. The minimum allowed difference between the normal height of the edges of the lips when at rest and their height when Smiling is 1 cm, the maximum 1.5 cm. The maximum allowed deviancy in the height of the left edge versus the right is 0.25 cm. If the lips are parted, the maximum height of the gap permitted is 0.5 cm, but parted lips are not suggested for day-to-day Proper Smiles and should be saved for special occasions. For children between the ages of five and eleven, the above numbers are to be halved. Infants remain exempt.

“In order to facilitate Proper Smiling, the Ministry of Magic will be issuing stencils for each citizen to use in practicing in front of a mirror. By next Monday, April 5th, all citizens will be expected to display Proper Smiles meeting the new criteria upon all public occasions.

“So perk up those lips citizens, and know that your effort will be rewarded by an equally Proper Smile from everyone around you.”

As Lee’s voice fades, I shudder.

Circe! As if it weren’t already difficult enough to not be picked up for Mis-Behavior!

And everyone knows what the Behavioral Reconditioning Camps are like!

I shudder again as I picture what people look like after they’ve been ‘Pinked’: vacuous-eyed creatures shambling to and fro, grinning inanely, and repeatedly bowing and saying, “No, after you – I insist!” while swathed head-to-toe in Pale Pink #3.

Lee’s voice cuts through my thoughts. “Hold up! What’s she doing here?’

“Ms. Granger has only recently joined our cause.”

“What?” I sit up quickly. “No, I haven’t – how can you keep saying that? I’ve joined nothing. Nothing!”

“Oh, but I beg to differ. Simply the fact that you found and entered the front door of this establishment indicates that you desired to become a member of Back in Black. And so you have.”

“Ridiculous! How –”

“Allow me to explain. The doorway is charmed so that only those who believe in our cause of subverting this travesty of a government may enter. Indeed, you would not have even seen said doorway if you did not have a certain desire and capacity for revolt.”

“Well, of course I hate the government – I’m not mental – anyone in their right mind hates the government.” I stop to draw breath. “But that doesn’t mean …”

The twins walk forward to enter my view – George on my left, Fred, right. I’m now faced with four rather sober-looking individuals, who are all staring at me fixedly.

After a few moments, Snape asks, “Was there a sign, Ms. Granger?”

“A sign? First you tell me I’ve joined your little boys’ club, and now you’re asking if I saw a portent or omen?”

He sighs. “No, Ms. Granger. Was there a sign above the door – a somewhat small one perhaps?”

“Well, of course there was a sign! Why would y–”

He interrupts again. “And what did it say?”

I look at him for a bit.

Is that some strange form of trick question?

“It said Libre Libri, as you very well know,” I reply tartly.

He looks slightly shocked – or at least I think it’s shocked – his eyes widen slightly, and his mouth opens a bit.

But before he can say anything, the twins cut in. “Oi, now – that’s what it said –”

“– for you Snape! I thought it was never–”

“– to say the same bloody thing twice.”

“Indeed, I did not think it possible that two people could ever see the same message.” He watches me now with a look of such frank contemplation that it’s a little unsettling in its intensity.

“What …”

Circe, that stunner left my mouth dry!

“What does that mean exactly?”

His smirk returns. “It means that we have quite a bit more in common than I ever realized, Ms. Granger. Quite a bit indeed.”


AN: Forgive me for potentially poor Latin, but I’m hoping that Libre Libri roughly translates as ‘free from difficulty’ + ‘books/public records,’ which I’m using to imply ‘freedom through written knowledge.’

This one is going to be going up very quickly in order for everyone to have a chance to read it before the voting begins - so look for one to two chapters a day!

Please review – it’ll save me from Thinking Pink!