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| droxy | 2004.11.30 - 11:17PM | 1: Vanishing Emptiness | Anonymous |
| I like the beginning of this. A bit angsty too, but hope. | |||
| Fictionlover_32 | 2004.11.30 - 12:44PM | 1: Vanishing Emptiness | Anonymous |
| Love how the story is progressing! Keep it coming! Author's Response: Thank you. | |||
| aphrodeia | 2004.11.30 - 11:34AM | 1: Vanishing Emptiness | Anonymous |
| Again, a great story idea! Your pacing is quite good, as in your other story, and you've got a lot of potential here. My only complaint with this one would be a few grammatical things - mainly just some missed punctuation here and there, resulting in some sentences that look like they SHOULD make sense, but don't. If you don't already have a beta reader, I definitely recommend one! I think you've gotten a good handle on the storytelling aspect, which is the hardest part. You can scarcely train that. Now it's just a matter of polishing the bits. :o) Looking forward to more! Author's Response: I am sorry about those errors, I have read and re read the chapter about 80 times, and had someone else read it. I guess I'll read it again and see what I can find! Thanks for your compliments. I appreciate you taking the time to review. | |||
| Snape Fan | 2004.11.30 - 09:04AM | 1: Vanishing Emptiness | Anonymous |
| Good start to a story. I don't like Draco - never have and therefore have very little sympathy for him, but it will be interesting to see where you go with this. Author's Response: Thanks. I used to hate Draco, but after reading some fanfics that make him look like a half decent character, I decided I wanted to play with him a little. But I am not sure if I am going to save him or not yet. Thanks for leaving a review. | |||
| Sophie | 2004.11.30 - 06:25AM | 1: Vanishing Emptiness | Anonymous |
| I really like the idea of these two being drawn together by their loneliness, as well as their common interests in academics, potions, etc. The story starts off well. My only "writing" suggestion would be to keep it simple when you can. That is, spread out your adjectives. For example, this phrase, "when her rose petal soft lips pressed against the smooth pale flesh of his forehead and her nimble fingers brushed a stray silky strand from his onyx eyes," overwhelmed me a bit. Some very nice descriptions, but because they occur all at once, it feels a bit much. And, since the kiss - the action - is what's so important, the fewer descriptive words, the more emphasis on the kiss. Anyway, I'm hardly one to talk about writing, as you can see by this review! But, since you asked for constructive criticism, I thought I'd offer it. Please know also that I really did enjoy this chapter. Thanks for writing! Author's Response: I'll keep that in mind when I write the next chapter. Thanks for taking the time to review. | |||
| Lunix | 2004.11.30 - 02:51AM | 1: Vanishing Emptiness | Anonymous |
| ooo i cant wait to read more! Author's Response: I should have the next chapter up by the weekend, it is already written, but I have to edit it. Thanks for reading and reveiwing. | |||
| eve/roarke | 2004.11.30 - 01:28AM | 1: Vanishing Emptiness | Anonymous |
| A very good beginning, well written, with just enough information
on how they had arrived at the present situation, I liked it and will
be looking out for updates.
6 stars for a good start. Author's Response: Thank you so much for taking the time to review. You have made my day. | |||
| Kyerie | 2004.11.29 - 11:21PM | 1: Vanishing Emptiness | Anonymous |
| A masterfully spun tale, one which I greatly look forward to reading more of. Author's Response: Thank you. | |||
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