AN: This was written for the Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition. My prompt as Seeker was to include the line, "How does it rain cats and dogs? Do they ride on droplets or something?"
If you haven't seen "The Rocky Horror Picture Show," then you will have a hard time understanding this story.
Professor Hermione Snape raised her hand and waved it a bit, much to the snorting consternation of her husband. "Headmaster, I have an idea."
Headmaster Severus Snape sighed and pinched the bridge of his ample nose. "No hand waving in class, Miss Granger." He smiled to himself when she looked at him crossly; no doubt he would pay for that little quip later.
"Ha bloody ha, Severus," she snapped, blushing at the snickers of her co-workers, most of whom remembered how she had been as a student in their classes. She crossed her arms and hid her hands. "It just so happens that I have an excellent idea."
Severus instantly felt contrite. While he could bait his wife all he wanted in private, he did try to maintain a semblance of professionalism when around the other staff. "My apologies, Hermione." He motioned for her to continue. "What was your idea?"
She exhaled sharply through her nose. Oh yes, I will definitely pay for this later, thought Severus, relishing the anticipation. I should wind her up more often.
"As I was saying before being interrupted," she said, "I have an idea for a project that will introduce a bit of Muggle culture to the children."
Severus nodded. "Quite apropos, as you are the Muggle Studies teacher. So, Professor Snape," he quipped, his crooked teeth displayed in a smirk, "What did you have in mind?"
She straightened her robes and fiddled with her wand; she hated how easily he could wrong-foot her. "I propose that we show 'The Rocky Horror Picture Show' to the students and have the staff say the lines." She gave the Headmaster an absolutely evil smirk. "In full costume, of course."
Severus nearly spit out his mouthful of tea. There's only one character I'm suited for... Damn, I knew I'd pay for it, just not this quickly. "Are you mad?"
She paused for dramatic effect. "Possibly."
"I think it's a splendid idea!" Neville Longbottom sat forward, his eyes shining. "Do let me be Brad, please?"
"While the idea of seeing you turned to stone does have its appeal, Professor Longbottom, and you would make a lovely addition to your garden's statuary," the Headmaster snarled, "I don't think it's an appropriate project."
"Why not?" Hermione asked, ticking reasons off on her fingers as she listed them. "Wizarding children need more exposure to Muggle ideas, you can't really understand another culture without experiencing its ideas of fun, the rest of the staff seem be all for it," which was true; the other professors were discussing their choice of characters, "and we have the perfect 'Frank-N-Furter' on staff." She gave her husband a predatory leer. "Though we might have to magically change how you're displayed; we wouldn't want to give all the men an inferiority complex."
Her husband drew himself up to his full height, affronted. "Hermione! I will not be put on display like some...some...trollop!"
"Why not, Severus?" she wheedled, a grin spreading across her face as she struck. "You could show everyone just what a bit of foolish wand-waving can do."
Absolute silence fell over the room. That was wicked, spiteful, and mean, Hermione. Goddess above, how I love you... "Well," Severus said, pulling out parchment to draw up a list of who would portray whom, "since you're using logic against me, how can I refuse?"
A collective sigh went across the room as everyone relaxed. Headmaster Snape's temper was better than it had been during his professorial days, but he could still throw a fit with the best of them.
"As I requested, Headmaster, I would like to play Brad," Neville said. "He was my favorite character. Filius," he said, getting the small professor's attention, "you've seen the movie, right? OK, good. I have a charm to show you that one of my wizarding friends who liked the movie used for the scene where Brad and Janet were walking up to the castle when it was raining cats and dogs."
Filius was excitedly puzzled. "How does it rain cats and dogs? Do they ride on droplets or something?"
Hermione smiled into her tea. "It's a Muggle expression, Filius, one that I'm surprised that Neville knows." She set down her cup after taking a sip. "If one says that it's raining cats and dogs, one means that the sky is simply pouring rain."
Minerva joined their conversation. "Hermione, Filius, Neville," she said, nodding to each one in turn. "Would you all please enlighten me to what this film is, and why Severus turned green when you mentioned this Furter character?"
The Muggle Studies professor looked cross again. "Oh, that man. He deserved it after the 'Miss Granger' bit." She explained to Minerva the plot of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" and outlined its characters.
"Oh my," Minerva said, eying Severus. "Would he really have on an outfit like that?"
The Headmaster caught her staring and drew his cloak tightly around him. "Why are you looking at me like that, Minerva? It's disconcerting."
She nodded to herself. "I'm trying to see how I need to transfigure your costume, Severus. I hear your measurements are impressive."
Hermione choked on her tea. "Minerva!" she hissed after coughing. "Are you trying to get me killed?"
"No, dear; just a bit of snake-baiting," Minerva quipped, thoroughly enjoying the Headmaster's incredulous fury. "It's not often that I get to."
Severus stomped over to his wife and grabbed her arm. "If you will excuse us." He dragged Hermione out into the corridor and cast a series of privacy charms. "Hermione, what the hell do you think you're doing?"
His wife smiled sheepishly. "Whatever do you mean?"
"Oh no, don't you dare. There is nothing innocent about you, Hermione Snape." He leaned in so close that Hermione could smell his fresh breath. "The only person for whom I have ever worn a Frank-N-Furter costume was you." He drew a long finger down her smooth neck. "If I remember correctly, Columbia, you ended up too sore to Time Warp."
Hermione blushed becomingly.