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I Don't Want To Be Alone by DistinctVagueness [Reviews - 4]

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15. Some Things are Better Left Unsaid
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Five days later, Ron returned to Hogwarts, looking worse for wear; no doubt a result of his unpleasant trip to Azkaban. Hermione and Harry had been engaged in Herbology homework when he arrived.

Hermione had just been finishing her essay potion of the work when Harry did a last pencil stroke with a grand flourish.

“There,” he said, proudly. “Done at last.”

Hermione looked over at his parchment and visibly winced.

“What?” asked Harry, sounding offended.


Like a ghost, don’t need a key

Your best friend I’ve come to be

Please don’t think of getting up for me

You don’t even need to speak



“It’s just…Harry, you’ve gone and drawn Flea-Wort instead of Rupture Wort…and when you look at it from this angle,” she shifted it to the left and tilted her head, “It doesn’t even look like either, never mind a plant…” She raised her eyebrows to show her meaning and he turned the parchment like she’d said. He began to laugh. It wasn’t a flattering sketch.

“Good job you spotted it, Hermione. My grade’s dropped enough already after last year without adding to it.”

Tiredly, he took out his eraser and started to rub out the aberrant diagram. Hermione watched him, amused, before taking out her wand and pulling the parchment from him. She muttered a quick “Evanesco,” and whipped her own pencil out to begin drawing it again for him.

Harry smiled gratefully, but with a tinge of guilt. “Are you sure you don’t mind?”

She shook her head, already absorbed. “Takes my mind off things. I’m finished anyway. Just make sure you get your Transfiguration done and that you know this by N.E.W.T’s.”

“Thanks.” After hesitating for a moment, he leaned forward for a moment to give her a warm hug. Hermione, surprised, hugged him back.

“Since when do I get hugs in exchange for doing your homework?”

“It’s not just that…I just, well, want you to know I’m here for you that’s all, okay?”

Hermione pulled away, smiling slightly. “…I know”

She went back to the parchment and Harry started to thumb through his battered Transfiguration textbook.

A slamming noise startled them from their homework. Both turned around abruptly.

Ron stood by the now closed portrait hole. His face was pale, set strangely by his ever-flaming hair, but still looked like thunder.

All three remained still for a few moments, unsure of what to say or do. Ron’s eyes refused to meet Hermione’s and he seemed to stare right through her. Hating the silence, se began to speak first. “Ron-”

At the sound of her voice however, Ron looked straight at her, giving her a look of pure venom. Hermione was stunned. He’d never looked at her like that before, not even during one of their most blazing rows. The shock cut through her like a sharp knife, catching her off-guard and hurt.

Harry had just got to his feet, also looking confused, when Ron turned on his heel and stalked away upstairs, his unnecessarily loud footsteps echoing off the walls of the common room.

Harry sunk back into his chair and then rose again, a conflicted expression on his face. He wasn’t sure whether he should go to see if Ron was okay, after all, he’d gone through a lot in the past week and was bound to be a little unbalanced. However, he’d caught that hateful look that had been so harshly thrown at the girl next to him and knew it was totally unfair for Ron to treat Hermione like that so irrationally.

“Maybe I should-” he began, sounding helpless. He glanced down at best friend sat next to him for her opinion and was immediately concerned. Hermione’s eyes were fixed upon the table, unmoving and glistening.

“Hermione?”

She started to shake her head, still staring at the grain patterns in the wood, but then her shoulders began to quiver. “Harry, please just…I can’t…I don’t…” She got up to leave the room but the word jarred in her throat and she burst into tears.


And if you’re cold, I’ll keep you warm

If you’re low, just hold on

‘Cause I will be your safety


Feeling awkward, Harry began to pat her shoulder, in what he thought was a comforting manner and then thought better of it, pulling her into another close hug. Crying unrestrainedly now into his jumper, Hermione was just glad that it was late and the other members of the House were nowhere to be seen. Once she’d calmed down a bit, she raised her head to look at him as he cleared his throat.

“I know Ron and what happened up at the Shrieking Shack aren’t exactly helping you right now, but I get the feeling that there’s a lot more going on than that. Am I wrong?”

Hermione shook her head. “No.” Gods, she hated this. What had happened to her self-control and composure? She chose to not quite meet his eyes.

Harry sighed. “Do you want to tell me?” He seemed to already know the answer.

Hermione froze. Harry was already preoccupied with Ron and Charlie’s frightening change of loyalties. She couldn’t unleash all her troubles on him now. It wasn’t fair.

She gently shook her head and said “No,” again, but mentally thanked him for asking in the first place.

Harry nodded, not quite satisfied but unwilling to push.

That little voice inside her told Hermione that she really wasn’t telling Harry because she was afraid, perhaps unreasonably, of his reaction to what had happened to Chloe.

And I arrived when you were weak

I’ll make you weaker, like a child

Now all your love you give to me

When your heart is all I need



“Harry?” she asked, once she’d dried her tears and finally pulled away. “Can I borrow your Invisibility Cloak?”

Harry frowned “Why?”

“I just want to go for a walk, clear my head.”

The cleft in his forehead deepened. “Do you want me to go with you?”

She shook her head. “I think I need to be alone for a bit.”

At the word ‘alone’, Harry became worried further. “Alone? Look, Hermione-”

She let out a sound that was halfway between a sigh and a laugh. “Oh, come on Harry. What, do you think I’m going to throw myself off the Astronomy Tower or something?”

“I wasn’t even thinking that!” protested Harry, but he looked sheepish.

“Please Harry?”

He exhaled noisily but went up to his dormitory and returned holding the shimmering material.

“Thanks,” she whispered, and tried to smile at him. “Now get your homework done and go to bed. Don’t wait up for me.”

Hermione turned and pushed open the portrait hole. It swung outwards with a click. Harry still felt concerned but went back to the table to continue his homework with an unconcealed yawn.

Outside the Gryffindor common room, Hermione slipped the cloak over her head, enjoying the sense of freedom that filled her immediately. Starting down the steps of the tower, she headed to her destination. She had lied to Harry. Well, sort of. She was going to the Astronomy Tower, but not to top herself, she thought, shaking her head at Harry’s overdone anxiety. That was a little histrionic, even in the whirlwind of emotions that she felt herself swept up in.

In the dungeons, somebody else had stirred. Severus was pacing his chambers feeling unsettled and restless, but not quite sure why. He’d tried to occupy himself with a book and some marking but it hadn’t done the trick. Deciding it was impossible to return to slumber, he dressed and left his room, throwing on his standard black cloak as he went. He wasn’t on patrol tonight, but that in no way meant he couldn’t take a little stroll just to clear his head.


Oh how quiet, quiet the world can be

When it’s just you and little me

Everything is clear, everything is new

So you won’t be leaving, will you?


A/N: Thanks for the reviews and thanks to Angel for beta-ing. Lyrics belong to Dido and her album Life For Rent


I Don't Want To Be Alone by DistinctVagueness [Reviews - 4]

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