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I Don't Want To Be Alone by DistinctVagueness [Reviews - 5]

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12. Denial is Sweeter
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Silence reigned as Ron stared at her wordlessly. He shook his head as if trying to convince himself he’d head her incorrectly.

"Charlie…but…why would he be…" His eyes met hers, and the bewilderment she saw in them hurt her too much to speak.

"Hermione…he’s my brother…how could he be a…" he trailed off.

"Death-Eater?" she supplied, quietly.

At the word, Ron rose quickly from the bed, shaking his head vigorously.

"But he’s Charlie! He was in the Order…he hated You-Know-Who…why would he hurt you?" Ron’s voice was becoming higher and shrill, hurting her ears.

"Charlie was in the Order, Ron. But he didn’t hate Voldemort."

"Don’t say that!" Ron yelled. Hermione stared back at him in shock. "Don’t say His name!"

"Why not? You can’t be afraid to say Voldemort forever!"

"Shut up!"

"Ron! Calm down!" Her voice became softer and Ron slumped to the bed, his head swimming. "Please, calm down. You have to listen to me. Charlie took me, Ron. He wasn’t the man you knew."

Slowly, Ron lifted his head. "How do you know it was him?"

Hermione gazed back at him. "I saw him, Ron. I heard him."

"But you’ve been sick since you came back. How do we know you’ve not dreamed this, made it up?"

"Because I haven’t! Ron, it was him! Ask Professor Snape!"

Ron looked at her, disbelievingly. "Snape? Why the hell would I talk to him about this? I still don’t know why Dumbledore trusts him! It was probably him in the first place."

"Listen to yourself!" Hermione cursed herself for letting her voice become so sharp. "He saved me! If I wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t be here right now!"
Her face came closer to Ron’s. "It was Charlie, Ron! Don’t believe me if you don’t want to, but please just listen to me!"

Ron’s face was slack.

"I can’t," he replied quietly. "I can’t listen to this." Refusing to look back at her, he walked out, his expression clouded with confusion and doubt.

Instead of seeing Harry, Albus Dumbledore smiled gravely at him outside.

"Perhaps we need to have a little discussion, Mr. Weasley?"

Ron nodded numbly and followed his Headmaster down the corridor.


After Ron’s departure, Hermione sat, despondent, staring at the wall. How could she have told him like that? She knew she should have left it to Dumbledore, or someone else. She couldn’t forget the look on his face.

That wasn’t what hurt her the most. She understood that he would be sceptical at first, even angry, but the fact that he completely disbelieved her, threw her.

Hot tears filled her eyes. She stared up at the ceiling and tried vainly to blink away the tears, only to allow them passage to slip down her cheeks.

Footsteps by her bed caused her to hastily wipe them away.

"You’re awake," the visitor noted.

Being brave enough to face them, she lowered her head.

"Professor Snape."

The Potions Master nodded at her. "I’m glad to see you’re recovering. A few more days and you should feel well enough to return to class." Ebony eyes met chocolate ones. Hermione felt a strange rush of emotions rising to the surface as he turned to leave.

"Please," she whispered. "Stay with me?"

If she was not mistaken, Snape hesitated. She had rarely seen a moment of uncertainty in his composure. She didn’t think that he paused because he didn’t want to stay with her; it was more of a conflict of conscience.

"Please," she said again. She knew he was the one person who wouldn’t push her, wouldn’t disbelieve her. So why was it that she now felt the tears stinging her eyelids again? She looked at him miserably as her eyelashes glistened, threatening another downpour.

She felt the mattress sink slightly. The storm inside of her appeased slightly, she closed her eyes and rested her head against the headboard.

Minutes passed before he spoke.

"Dumbledore is speaking with him. Don’t agonize about it. He had to know."

A hand gently rubbed her forehead in soothing circles. Before she was lulled to sleep, he heard her say, "You’re the only one…" But the conclusion to that sentence was never heard. The strangest thing was that he felt himself longing to hear it.



Ron’s eyes were fixed on the desk in front of him and the sweet bowl he had been offered was left untouched.

Dumbledore watched the red-haired boy as the realisation of who his brother really was sank in.

"He has been taken to Azkaban, Ron. It may be possible for your father to arrange a visit. Perhaps to answer some of the questions I cannot."

Ron’s eyes came to meet his. "Mum…Dad…do they know?"

The wizened Headmaster shook his head. "They have recently been owled. We thought it would be easier to tell them once the chaos at the Ministry has died down. Your father has been given a few days off, of course. He thinks it was an overdue holiday."

"However, I don’t regret you being told now. But I think Miss. Granger telling you wasn’t exactly the best idea. Your reaction did rather upset her, but of course she is more concerned for you than herself."

A tinge of guilt appeared on Ron’s cheeks. "Hermione…" He stood up. "I should apologise to her. I really was awful."

Dumbledore gestured for him to sit down again. "I’m sure she understands. Besides, Professor Snape is with her for the moment."

"Sna-?" began Ron, but was abruptly cut off by the door flying open.

"I tried to tell them you were busy, Albus, but they insisted."

‘They’ were the Weasley twins. An out-of-breath Fred and George entered behind a very flustered Professor McGonagall.

Dismissing her at once, they quickly went to Dumbledore.

"What’s this about Charlie?"

"We were at the Ministry to see Dad-"

"Heard Shacklebolt saying something about Charlie-"

"And Hermione-"

"The Shrieking Shack-"

"What’s happened?" finished George.

On cue, two heads appeared in the fireplace, belonging to Mr. and Mrs. Weasley. Mr. Weasley looked quite jovial at the sight of several family members in Dumbledore’s office.

"What’s going on here? Family reunion?" He looked surprised when three faces turned grave. Fred and George, although still rather bemused, grinned at their father and mother.

"If you want to take Ron and the twins back to the Burrow, I’ll join you shortly," said Dumbledore. He turned to McGonagall. "Could you please find Miss. Weasley? Oh, and Mr. Potter as well."

Professor McGonagall left quickly. Dumbledore spoke to Ron. "Return with your parents, but please wait until I get there."

Ron nodded, his face pale. "Come on," he said to his family and taking a handful of Floo powder, stepped into the fireplace and disappeared. His mystified parents and the twins followed him.

When Severus finally left Hermione, satisfied she was sleeping and at peace, even if it was temporary, watched as a solemn McGonagall led the Weasley girl and Potter up to the Headmaster’s office. He knew what it was all about, and after nodding to the Gryffindors, left the warmth of the upper floors and descended to his dungeon rooms.

He pulled a heavy Muggle volume off his bookshelf, sat himself down and proceeded to turn the pages, occasionally sipping at his snifter of brandy for about fifteen minutes before coming to the conclusion that he wasn’t taking anything in.

He rested his head in his hands and thought about all that had happened. He had never quite liked Charlie Weasley, but still his Death-Eater alter ego had thrown him. Severus knew that the Weasley family would be sitting in shock at this moment. Molly Weasley would be sniffing and holding a tissue, her husband pacing the floor and expressing incredulity, Ginny crying while Ron held an arm around her and the twins sitting in quiet disbelief. Dumbledore, all the while looking on, in silent sympathy.

His thoughts soon turned to somebody else. Hermione. Sighing in exasperation, he stood up and carried the empty brandy glass across to the sink and rinsed it out.

It had started with an honest, and quite new feeling of wanting to help someone. Mostly because that dark area she had sunk into, was one he had experienced firsthand himself. But something new has happened to him. Something that made his insides churn when he looked at her, looked into the deep pools of her eyes.
He cursed himself for admitting it, but this feeling was not just concern. It was more than that.

He feared that should he get any closer to her, his restraint would not hold. What was more, he didn’t want it to. Even greater that, was the feeling that she didn’t see him for more than she had ever done before. Against his will, this fear twisted him inside.


A/N: Thanks to beta Angel, and to every reviewer so far. I'm currently writing Chapter 19- after that, updates may not be so frequent- RL is very hectic right now and I still have an unstable comp *growls* You try writing a chapter when the computer switches off 20 minutes into the session and won't come on again for an hour....


I Don't Want To Be Alone by DistinctVagueness [Reviews - 5]

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