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Angst

Missing You by neelix [Reviews - 1]

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Severus sat at the small kitchen table and watched Hermione as she ate every mouthful of food on her plate. They were sitting awkwardly, as she had insisted on holding his hand across the table, but he didn’t care. His need for some form of bodily contact was almost as great as hers. With a contented sigh, Hermione put her fork down and licked her top lip with the tip of her tongue.

‘You make lovely pasta,’ she said quietly, smiling shyly at him.

Severus flashed a quick smile at her and then resumed his exploration of her face. He was relieved to see some of the colour returning to her cheeks, but the dark shadows below her eyes remained. Guilt slowly crept through him as he realised his absence had been partly to blame for her unkempt appearance, and he marvelled that she had cared enough about him to stop caring about herself.

Hermione clutched at Severus’s hand and her fingers played with his gently. Slowly, she ran an index finger along his, slipping it downwards to draw small circles on his palm and then back again, as if reassuring herself that he did exist. It wasn’t just her demanding imagination.

‘Are you going away again?’ she asked quietly. Deep down, she didn’t want to know if he was, but she knew Severus wouldn’t lie to her. Better to know now, before she grasped too tightly to this glimmer of hope.

Severus sighed a little and squeezed her hand before letting it fall gently to the tabletop as he pulled away. He said nothing, but he stood and lifted her plate, laying it in the sink with a slight clunk. Turning, he held out his hand to Hermione, whose eyes had followed him desperately as her mind had played out a mantra, “Please say 'no'…Please say 'no'…PLEASE…don’t go.”

Since the night in the Astronomy Tower, Severus had been the foundation stone to Hermione’s world. Her reality had shifted and had teetered on a precipice, the way it does when love is young and unsteady on its feet. Other than a few snatched glimpses of him afterwards, there had been neither further conversation nor acknowledgement of the events of that night, save for one heated glance and a short caress of fingertips in Potions class as Hermione had handed in her assignment. It had been enough for her. He had felt the same. And she had known it; she had felt it rushing through her veins. They had connected on some earth shattering level, and life was never the same again. Without a thought, Hermione took his outstretched hand, and her body thrummed to the touch of her skin on his.

He led her into the garden, where the grass was neatly trimmed and blousy, windblown yellow roses edged the path. The heat of the sun on the blooms caused their perfume to warm the air, and as they walked slowly past, Hermione inhaled deeply. Delicious.

They sat beneath an arbour trained with yet more roses of the palest pink, and trailing fronds of passionflowers that hung like a curtain over the entrance. The heat was permeating through Hermione’s robes to the point of being uncomfortably sticky, so she removed her outer layers, letting them fall to her feet and leaving her in naught but a thin slip covering her underwear.

Severus waved Hermione to sit in the chair that caught the most of the sun, raising his eyebrow slightly at her attire. Ruefully he realised that she had the right idea. Hogwarts robes were not intended for anything but inclement Scottish weather. He unbuttoned his jacket and removed it, laying it on the back of his own chair before pulling it beside Hermione’s and sitting down next to her. He took her hand in his, and they sat, looking at the garden and listening to the bees as they buzzed about the passionflowers.

After a long time, when Hermione had relaxed in the warmth of the sun and tipped her head back to feel the rays on her face, and Severus had watched her and stroked her pale cheek with his finger gently, he spoke.

‘I am leaving,’ he said.

Hermione felt her heart pound in her chest as her world tipped on its axis yet again. A flicker of ire started somewhere in her stomach, yet she refused to cry angry tears.

‘You returned to taunt me,’ she stated, irritation in her voice.

Severus sighed again and let his eyes wander around his precious garden. His eyes lingered on the Acer. He had planted it after suffering his first Cruciatus. The spiky red leaves had spoken to him on some subconscious level, just like most of his plants. The yellow roses he had planted after Lily married James. The passionflower he had planted for Hermione. His garden was a life map, and he felt sad to leave it. The house was nothing to him, but this was his own little Eden, his escape from the war and a world that didn’t understand him. And so he had brought her here, because she had understood him for one incredible night. He wanted her to see his soul.

‘I returned to get you,’ he responded.





Missing You by neelix [Reviews - 1]

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