Reviews for Dismantle the Sun
|emcnary||2018.01.12 - 08:35AM||6: Chapter Six||Signed |
|I liked this chapter for the peek we get into what the Order is up to. My one criticism is the "head jumping" you did with the pov' s. In my opinion you get more impact when you pick a perspective and stick with it. The bits that are from Hermione' s pov are nicely done in a 3rd person limited pov, but then when with the Order, it switches around t pov' s that aren't necessarily all that important for your character arcs and story development. Everybody loves Severus' thoughts (although I don't think he would ever think the name Voldemort, much less say it out loud--always "the Dark Lord") and wants to know what he thinks. McLaggen, while his pov might be entertaining bc he's a pompous git, isn't central to the story. Just something to think about.
I really like the concept of the World Ministry and that Voldy seems like he's succeeded in taking over the world--I think that will make his (hopeful) defeat that much sweeter. Great original story so far!|
Author's Response: I absolutely always welcome CC. =) And it did have a lot of different perspectives for one chapter, I know. That's definitely true. I try not to do that, but this chapter just couldn't seem to help it.
Actually, though, while McLaggen feels random here at his introduction, he has a pretty strong arc in the overall story. My main focus is definitely Hermione and Severus, but there are a lot of subplots going on. Um, we're just getting the tip of the ice berg right now, lol. We are just getting started. :D
I don't personally like McLaggen, but my beta suggested him, and I do like the challenge of figuring him out. And my gosh, he was fun to write. Kind of like writing Christie...I just grinned like a goofball the entire time, lol.
We're still setting the stage for part one, pretty much...I do hope that you're in for the long haul! :)
Thank you again for all of your remarkable feedback! Have a great day!
Author's Response: Oh, I forgot to mention --- thank you for the advice to have Severus refer to him as the Dark Lord instead of Voldemort -- I feel like an idiot for having missed it. Thank you!! =)
|loreen77||2018.01.10 - 06:55AM||6: Chapter Six||Signed |
|Lol. Pig cow is a curse word. Learn something new each day. I hate Cormac in the books, donít think I will like him here either. The Order meeting was very well done, some much undertones and implications in what you wrote. Great chapter. |
Author's Response: LOL -- you know, I never liked Cormac before, either, but my beta brought him up, and I said okay, and he actually was a lot of fun to write. I haven't gotten to do hardly any SS snarkiness yet, so it was nice to work someone into a temper. =)
Thank you so much! There were some hints for the next chapter, and can't wait til it's finished.
I hope you have a good day!