Reviews for Dismantle the Sun
|verasuspense||2018.03.01 - 05:55PM||6: Chapter Six||Signed |
|The Arithmancy line must be Hermione. |
|emcnary||2018.01.12 - 08:35AM||6: Chapter Six||Signed |
|I liked this chapter for the peek we get into what the Order is up to. My one criticism is the "head jumping" you did with the pov' s. In my opinion you get more impact when you pick a perspective and stick with it. The bits that are from Hermione' s pov are nicely done in a 3rd person limited pov, but then when with the Order, it switches around t pov' s that aren't necessarily all that important for your character arcs and story development. Everybody loves Severus' thoughts (although I don't think he would ever think the name Voldemort, much less say it out loud--always "the Dark Lord") and wants to know what he thinks. McLaggen, while his pov might be entertaining bc he's a pompous git, isn't central to the story. Just something to think about.
I really like the concept of the World Ministry and that Voldy seems like he's succeeded in taking over the world--I think that will make his (hopeful) defeat that much sweeter. Great original story so far!|
Author's Response: I absolutely always welcome CC. =) And it did have a lot of different perspectives for one chapter, I know. That's definitely true. I try not to do that, but this chapter just couldn't seem to help it.
Actually, though, while McLaggen feels random here at his introduction, he has a pretty strong arc in the overall story. My main focus is definitely Hermione and Severus, but there are a lot of subplots going on. Um, we're just getting the tip of the ice berg right now, lol. We are just getting started. :D
I don't personally like McLaggen, but my beta suggested him, and I do like the challenge of figuring him out. And my gosh, he was fun to write. Kind of like writing Christie...I just grinned like a goofball the entire time, lol.
We're still setting the stage for part one, pretty much...I do hope that you're in for the long haul! :)
Thank you again for all of your remarkable feedback! Have a great day!
Author's Response: Oh, I forgot to mention --- thank you for the advice to have Severus refer to him as the Dark Lord instead of Voldemort -- I feel like an idiot for having missed it. Thank you!! =)
|emcnary||2018.01.12 - 06:31AM||5: Chapter Five||Signed |
|Very interesting that they are using an online forum to rally the resistance and communicate--a very clever form of communication that the enemy (full of pure-bloods) would be ignorant about. And poor Severus. I'm very curious to see when they cross paths. Well done chapter. |
Author's Response: Thank you so much! It was a huge relief to get to Severus in the chapter. And the forums were fun! The Muggle Resistance is very important. ;)
|emcnary||2018.01.11 - 11:00PM||4: Chapter Four||Signed |
|Mmmmmm...this is interesting with OC' s and a different story arc. I'm curious to see how it connects. |
Author's Response: Hey! Thank you so much for all of your feedback! I really appreciate your taking the time to leave reviews. My OCs are pretty important. ^^ It is at its heart a HG/SS story, but they are far from the only focus. I know it's not the norm. =) It'll be awhile before we get to the importance of the OCs, but I do promise that it's coming.
|emcnary||2018.01.11 - 03:33PM||3: Chapter Three||Signed |
|This is a really interesting fic--not the usual, which is a good thing. The description of their time held captive by death eaters in the first chapter is well done, giving a clear picture of the terror and hell they went through without being over-done. Good job using powerful narrative rather than gore to get the point across.
Hermione' s time on the run is full of detailed description that I kept waiting to get boring, but it didn't. Instead of dragging, it did a great job of making the reader feel for Hermione.
I was very worried for a moment that her friend wasn't going to be a friend at all! I'm glad for him, but I can't help but feel this is the calm before her storm begins again.
I'm very curious to keep reading. |
Author's Response: Hello! Thank you so much for your wonderful feedback, emcnary! I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. It helps me get motivated to write more. ^^
I have rewritten the first three chapters so many times, lol, that I feel like it does drag a bit, and it makes me feel better for you to say that it doesn't. Chapter four is quite different! I hope that you enjoy the rest of the chapters up! I am working on chapter 7 and hope to post it soon. =)
Have a good day!
|loreen77||2018.01.10 - 06:55AM||6: Chapter Six||Signed |
|Lol. Pig cow is a curse word. Learn something new each day. I hate Cormac in the books, donít think I will like him here either. The Order meeting was very well done, some much undertones and implications in what you wrote. Great chapter. |
Author's Response: LOL -- you know, I never liked Cormac before, either, but my beta brought him up, and I said okay, and he actually was a lot of fun to write. I haven't gotten to do hardly any SS snarkiness yet, so it was nice to work someone into a temper. =)
Thank you so much! There were some hints for the next chapter, and can't wait til it's finished.
I hope you have a good day!
|Brooklynhills97||2018.01.09 - 10:09AM||5: Chapter Five||Signed |
|Amazing, please continue!!!|
Author's Response: Thank you, Brooklyn! =) =) =) I have submitted chapter six, it's just undergoing validation, I suppose. It is live on FFN, though, if you want to check it out. My username is omfaye on there, and the title is the same. Thank you for reading! And I really appreciate the feedback, it keeps me going!! ^^ I hope you have a good day!
|amber5||2018.01.04 - 12:35PM||5: Chapter Five||Signed |
|Really well written. It kept my attention from the start. I canít wait until you put up more chapters!|
Author's Response: Hi, Amber! Thank you so much! I really appreciate your taking the time to read and review, so much! ^^ I am working on chapter six, and I hope to be finished with it sometime this next week. I hope you're well and thank you again!
[Previous] 1 2 3 [Next]