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| Jong_Kahn | 2015.12.13 - 03:22AM | 13: Chapter 13 | Signed |
| Obviously real life stepped in, and in a major way, or your would not have broken your promise to update quickly.'-) The question is: is there any more to this story (even if unposted), or have you abandoned it? I'll sob, if that's the case (and I'm sure I'm not the only one). Please do come back and finish this wonderful story, if there's any way you can. In the meantime, thank you for all the hard work you already did on this. It's such a good story--believably in character, too (rare than one might think, sadly enough!). And another "10" for you.... | |||
| Jong_Kahn | 2015.12.13 - 02:44AM | 11: Chapter 11 | Signed |
| Ah! Now I remember how I lost track of this story: 2013 was our literal '4 weddings and a funeral' year. My nephew got married on 6-15-13, so we were out of state visiting relatives then. (But here's another "10" for another good chapter.) | |||
| Jong_Kahn | 2015.12.13 - 02:17AM | 9: Chapter 9 | Signed |
| What a picture that is, at the end of the chapter: that bleak hopeless, not-really-willing togetherness shared beneath that cleansing shower. Nice literary device. Someone at Deviant Art should do a picture of that. If I could give you more than a "10" for this chapter, I would. | |||
| Jong_Kahn | 2015.12.13 - 01:29AM | 3: Chapter 3 | Signed |
| Whose Patronus was the rat terrier--Percy's? I'd always thought that Severus was the only DE who could produce one. Then again, I can't even remember whether that's in canon or 'fanon'. Who knows? It was effective (and I still don't know whose Patronus you intended that to be.) | |||
| Jong_Kahn | 2015.12.13 - 01:19AM | 1: Chapter 1 | Signed |
| Tough start! I initially read this two and a half years ago, when it first appeared. It popped up again in Random, and found a previous review I'd written. Since I liked this, I figured I'd reread it. Here's a "10" for a great, grab-us-at-once beginning! | |||
| phone | 2013.09.02 - 09:14PM | 13: Chapter 13 | Signed |
| Very dark but a realistic possible fate seeing that Dumbledore was like a clam when it came to information. I could see Harry, Ron and Hermione getting three years down the road before the figured out the ridiculous clues left by that batty old fool. Oddly, I didn't like Dumbledore much from book one he left a child in a horrible situation for the wrong reasons and that made me think he wasn't the twinkly grandfather he appeared to be. Finding out he was twisted up with a dark lord from his youth and the way he manipulated Severus Snape made me dislike him even more. I hated that Snape died in the books it seemed wrong and wasted. I am really liking this story even though it is very dark and frightening. Thank you for sharing! Author's Response: Glad you're liking it so far! Thanks for taking the time to review. Yeah, Dumbledore is a much more complex character than we were led to believe in the beginning. | |||
| Amr | 2013.09.01 - 11:22PM | 13: Chapter 13 | Signed |
| I'd been avoiding starting new stories (Real Life--what can I say?), but in a moment of weakness, I started this one, and I'm so glad I did. I've read it straight through (a tribute to your excellent writing and lack of grammatical distractions) and although you clearly want constructive criticism, I have little to offer, except the scientific fact that no one bleeds very much after they are dead (the heart stops). Otherwise, although I agree with you about emotional developments, I worry that this is going to be one of those fifty chapter monstrosities. It is possible to show emotional development by skipping ahead to where it is accomplished, and if necessary referring back to the development in a brief flashback. It is not necessary to make the reader slog through all the horrors and suspicions that the protagonists have to. (I note that I have learned this the hard way, by writing several stories where they do, and then re-reading them. It's also one of the faults of Book 7.) But really, it's been great so far, as long as it begins to move on fairly rapidly from this point. There will be moments of sadness (I wish Hermione could have known how saisfied Harry was to accept the AK), but that's inevitable given your scenario--I imagine them both wincing a bit when they use a spell or a phrase that reminds them of a dead colleague. But it is hopeful that they survived, and are now close to working amiably together. And I love your safe house. Author's Response: Thanks so much for your review! I'm glad you took a chance on my story and that you have enjoyed it so far. It's funny that you mentioned pacing -- I have been aware that it's progressing slowly with perhaps too much detail, and the thought of moving at this speed for the rest of the story is not appealing at all! But I did feel like I needed to lay a good foundation so that we know how and why they came to the place they are now. (To me, too many stories move so quickly that people seem to act out of character ...) With a truce in place and Severus' time off running short, I expect things will pick up quite a bit of speed from here out. I myself am eager to get on with it! Thanks again for the thoughtful critique. It means a great deal to me. | |||
| s50m | 2013.08.30 - 08:52PM | 13: Chapter 13 | Signed |
| I can tell that you have spent a lot of time writing this story. :) The situation that you have created is very intriguing - I am very anxious to learn how Snape and Hermione, as the sole survivors from the Order, are able to take on and (hopefully!) defeat Voldemort and the reigning Death Eaters. One extra note, I loved this line (said by Snape): "And since I am no longer your professor, you may call me the Most Honorable Lord Snape.” Keep up the super work! :) Author's Response: Thank you so very much for taking the time to review! Glad you are enjoying the story (and my attempts at humor). :-) | |||
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