Reviews for Spouse's Omissions Forgiven
| jannor | 2012.11.22 - 05:59PM | 1: Spouse's Omissions Forgiven | Signed |
| If you can't give constructive criticism, then please don't rubbish someone for having a go at writing a piece. I don't usually give reviews but if people put off budding writers then this site would quickly go stale and eventually die off. I agree with the criticism to not to try to follow anybody else's story, just try to do your own thing. I'm sure you could do a lot better with your own ideas, your english is good enough. |
| whynot2 | 2012.11.10 - 02:56AM | 1: Spouse's Omissions Forgiven | Signed |
| I hope this is supposed to be crackfic. Time to put away the thesaurus. |
| dra316 | 2012.11.09 - 07:54PM | 1: Spouse's Omissions Forgiven | Signed |
| I can imagine that it takes a lot of courage to post your work on the Internet. Considering this is your first fic, I think it's pretty good. Thank you for sharing this. Best of luck to you :) |
| siage | 2012.11.09 - 08:18AM | 1: Spouse's Omissions Forgiven | Signed |
| I have not read "Never", but will look it up. I think some of the reviews seem unnecessarily harsh. Maybe I'm wrong, but reading it I can imagine a marriage under Voldermort's reign, where Severus would be unbelievably stressed and forced to treat Hermione with disdain. The reference to ashes, makes me think maybe this encounter occurs after the fall of Voldermort and this is a new beginning. I liked it. Thanks for writing! |
| Maria | 2012.11.08 - 04:22PM | 1: Spouse's Omissions Forgiven | Signed |
| Abuse? Non-con? Violence? WTF?? Ok so he's an asshole - doesn't mean these warnings apply in any way. This ficlet makes NO sense. And the fact she seems to be forgiving him for being an asshole just leaves me shaking my head. Why this fandom looooooves having Hermione grovel and make excuses for an abuser is truly beyond me. |
| Derelict Author | 2012.11.08 - 09:18AM | 1: Spouse's Omissions Forgiven | Signed |
| Is this supposed to be an accompaniment to "Never"? I've "never" read that story, but I looked it up (because I can appreciate someone who likes a story so much they recommend it in their own story!), and it seems to fall along the same vague lines of... Snape and Hermione not loving each other, but he's... being forgiven? For not loving her? Frankly, without that piece, I'm wondering if this story would make more sense with it, because a slightly longer drabble doesn't seem to cover what's being hinted at here. He's "being" forgiven, there's non-consensual sex warnings, obvious emotional/mental abuse, the preface that they never got married out of love (and with the word "master," I can only think this is a "Voldemort" scenario), etc... yet, boom, Hermione forgives him with a whisper and all is well. Without any context for this story (and if it truly is "Never," that seems... odd to use someone else's fic for your own purposes. Did you ask?), it just seems like an excuse for superfluous adjectives and angst. In the future, I'd recommend flushing out a story more--you passed the typical "100 words" drabble format, so you probably could have easily pushed this into a longer one-shot to actually explain what's going on; otherwise, the transition from first to second paragraph just doesn't make sense. Sorry--I saw this is your first fanfic, so I want to let you know exactly what impression I got, what I think could be done better, etc., so don't take this long review negatively: your writing is smooth, you just need to work on, well, the actual plot and believably of the characters, even for a little ficlet. |
| verasuspense | 2012.11.07 - 10:31PM | 1: Spouse's Omissions Forgiven | Signed |
| Since the story 'Never' is not posted on Ashwinder, there is not much point in this one. |
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