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| epw | 2009.08.17 - 11:34AM | 8: Thoughts in the darkness | Signed |
| I'm REALLY enjoying this story! I can't wait to see how the next lesson goes. Author's Response: I'm so glad! Thank you. | |||
| Maria | 2009.08.16 - 08:32PM | 8: Thoughts in the darkness | Signed |
| Excellent story so far. It's very well woven in with established canon. And I love the slow build up trust and camaraderie between Snape and Hermione. Well done! Author's Response: Thank you! | |||
| ekr | 2009.08.15 - 01:53PM | 8: Thoughts in the darkness | Signed |
| I love this, please write more soon. I love exhausted Snape, great characterisations Author's Response: Thank you. I hope to have more up soon; this next chapter is giving me a bit of trouble for some reason. | |||
| sifferi | 2009.08.15 - 09:22AM | 8: Thoughts in the darkness | Signed |
| Great chapter! It is always a shock to see one's teacher as human. :) I can't wait for the Legilimency lessons! | |||
| Fingula | 2009.08.15 - 07:40AM | 8: Thoughts in the darkness | Signed |
| I really like this story. They both act like them self in you story and I like the way they interact with eachother. Please continue to write this story! | |||
| Jong_Kahn | 2009.08.15 - 02:26AM | 8: Thoughts in the darkness | Signed |
| What a wonderful, impressive chapter! You ran a wide gamut of feelings, and tied it in beautifully with canon HBP. I particularly enjoyed the image of toddler Hermione happily waving her chubby little arms to destroy the ugly porcelain dolls! It was good to get Hermione's more mature take on Severus' experiences, and I especially enjoyed their meeting of the minds outside in the darkness of Hogwarts' grounds. One minor thing you might consider changing: 38 lines up from the bottom, beginning with "Of course, he was not either of her friends...", the single word "neither" = "not either", and would scan a little more elegantly there. Other than that, a perfect chapter! Thank you for all your hard work. Author's Response: Thank you for reading (and reviewing!) I'm glad you enjoyed the baby-Hermione image :-) I definitely see what you mean about the not either/neither--I actually meant to italicize the "not" to give that emphasis, and apparently got HTML-lazy. I'll fix it when I get the chance! Thank you again for taking the time to write such a great, thoughtful review. | |||
| Jong_Kahn | 2009.08.15 - 01:49AM | 6: The past, the future | Signed |
| I am enjoying your writing so much. Your plotting is good, the way you combine things from canon with your own feels natural, and I like your characterizations. I have one minor correction to suggest: It's in the next-to-last section, 15 lines up (beginning "She settled herself on one of the benches..."). At the end of that paragraph, "...or the strength in the biceps of another’s", your language is redundant. As " 's " means "of", that last phrase should either be "...or the strength of another's biceps" OR "...or the strength of the biceps of another." You can have either one ("of" OR " 's ") but not both at the same time. (The Mystery Corrector strikes again...) | |||
| saforever | 2009.08.15 - 12:41AM | 8: Thoughts in the darkness | Signed |
| omg i know you just uploaded this but im already soo excited for the next chapter!!! keep writing because i wana see what happens in the legilimency lessons!!! ahh!! :) | |||
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