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| Moyruh | 2005.06.30 - 07:28AM | 2: Chapter Two | Signed |
| This is an intriguing story and concept. I like it, and hope to see more soon.
The writing and some of the words seem stiff and unflowing, and even with Severus being Severus, and all that he has been through, I am finding the characterization to be a lil off. In my OPINION... if he cared about something enough (IE Hermione) to "put up" with it (IE Marriage), I dont think that he, even as Rowling -esque Snape would put up with it to be stolen/damaged/etc. Reference: He cares about his potions/ingredients/classrooms/etc, and doesnt put up with things 'messing' with them well (IE Neville). And with that, I cant see him not putting up much of a 'research' when she went missing... even if he didnt care about her that much, she is still HIS... ya know?
I can see good characterizations in his reluctance to show emotions other than frustration and anger, but if he had been married to her for seven years? I mean, arranged marriages, they atleast develop an affection for each other and respect, and those who marry out of convience do as well (or they divorce far more quickly).... <-- from my own personal experience....
I also see him (in my brain he is a Pure blooded Wizard) and has the curtesy, manners, and etiquette that goes along with that... so thats another reason why I am having a lil bit harder time believing some of the things... BUT... one thing that is VERY believable is the not knowing why she married him, the every day expecting her to not be there (to have left), the wondering why she hasnt left, trying to push her away.... I havent been married, but I know what its like to wondering why some was with you, and all the other things... I suffer from severe depression, stemming from a chemical imbalance and severe emotional trama... Ionno about the chemical imbalance for him (but alcohol has been know to cause it), but from the hardships he has gone through and the life he has led and is still living, I can completely understand his way of thinking... the not looking for her (not wanting to see her with someone else/without someone else) is kind of ify... but I have heard of people doing that... Im just more used to the jealous rage ones...
Anyways, I hope this has been atleast somewhat constructive critism....
Thanks for writing, keep it up, and I look forward to more updates on this fic. Author's Response: I agree with you that Snape wouldn't put up with someone he cared about being stolen or damaged. And after Hermione returns and he learns what has happened he is determined to hunt down whoever did it to her. But he has always doubted why she married him, and has feared she will leave. When she is gone he doesn't look for her because he doesn't think that she is being hurt, but that she has left him. To look for her might mean finding her with another man. When he found her, he would have to really confront that she had left him, so instead he stays at home, locks himself away with a drink, and decides to avoid what he thinks is 'reality.' I've tried to convey that deep insecurity as well as the guilt that he feels over not looking. There will be more dealing with this issue in later chapters as well. What I don't agree with you on is that marriage would change Snape. This wasn't an arranged marriage, as you will see. It might certainly soften him some, but women who marry men in the hopes of 'changing' them are often disappointed. In my mind Hermione is pushy and forceful enough to put up with Snape. And Snape is prickly and forceful enough to put up with Hermione. Thanks for the review, and if you could point out specific things that sounded stilted in the future that would be a great help. ~Vanityfair | |||
| Atropos | 2005.06.20 - 10:36AM | 2: Chapter Two | Signed |
| curious and curiouser. Author's Response: And this is just the beginning. ; ) | |||
| darkangel | 2005.06.19 - 11:33PM | 2: Chapter Two | Signed |
| finally an update!
great beginning...
update soon! Author's Response: I hope to update as soon as possible. Thanks for reading! | |||
| chriself | 2005.06.19 - 11:27PM | 2: Chapter Two | Signed |
| OOOO! I'm very intrigued! Looking forward to more of the akwardness and the mysterious "M". Author's Response: Plenty more awkwardness and M to come. Thanks for reading! | |||
| mugglegirl0908 | 2005.06.19 - 10:37PM | 2: Chapter Two | Signed |
| OOOOH! I know what M stands for! *puffs out chest and looks around gloatingly, sure in her rightness* Hehe...great chapter, Vanityfair. I can't wait for the next installment! I love the tension between Severus, and I love that in spite of everything she seems willing to trust him. I had expected her to insist they have separate chambers, but I'm glad she didn't. It shows she is willing to trust him and try to make things work. Now, UPDATE SOON! ;-) Author's Response: So sure are you? We'll see. Thanks for reading. I'm glad so many people are enjoying it. | |||
| Vickie211 | 2005.06.19 - 03:30PM | 2: Chapter Two | Signed |
| Great chapter! I like the way you're weaving their past into the story. I'm curious about how Hermione is going to behave. Since she can't remember past 6th year, does this affect her emotional maturity as well? And will she help Severus play detective? I love a good mystery. Can't wait to see what happens next. Author's Response: I think it probably will affect her emotional maturity. She had no memories to draw on to help her make conclusions about things. You'll have to read more to see if she will help. I can't give away too much. Thanks for reading. | |||
| Sniv | 2005.06.19 - 02:17PM | 2: Chapter Two | Signed |
| Oh please please please update this one soon! It's such a great story! Hermione must be so confused and scared... Author's Response: Thanks for reading! Don't worry about Hermione, she'sbeen through worse. | |||
| linzsnape | 2005.06.19 - 12:22PM | 2: Chapter Two | Signed |
| Malfoy? Author's Response: You don't really want me to answer that now, do you? | |||
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