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Reviews for Forget Me Not

confuzable2005.05.28 - 10:50AM1: Chapter OneSigned
this is intriguing! keep up the good work!

Author's Response: Thanks for reading!

Maggie2005.05.28 - 10:36AM1: Chapter OneSigned
It's good so far. My question is if he was so upset at the thought of her leaving, why is he pushing her out the door?

Author's Response: I added a little something to the end of the chapter to explain this. But in essence he has never really tried to stop pushing her away. He is very insecure about their relationship, always frightened that she will one day leave him. So instead of allowing her the opportunity to reject him, he tries to 'beat her to the punch.' Oftentimes in order to 'protect' ourselves, we do things that are counterintuitive, producing the opposite results we would have liked. And that is what is happening here.

SusanDara2005.05.28 - 08:31AM1: Chapter OneSigned
WOW! What a wonderful beginning. I thought your use of the Russian Nesting Doll was a brilliant stroak. What a great analogy for the way Hermione sees him. WELL DONE! Please post again soon.

Author's Response: I just love those dolls. Thanks for reading!

mybebesarecute2005.05.28 - 04:26AM1: Chapter OneSigned
First of all, let me sat that I think this story has great potential. The story idea is intriguing. However, I felt this chapter was very abrupt. It happend very fast, and there wasn't much detail. I expect that in a PWP, but in a drama/Mystery, you need a little background info and detail, emotions explained in-depth, and time frames laid out. I think you did a good job in some areas, like the flash-back sequence. You could almost feel his emotion for the doll she bought. I also love how Snape was so cannon. You have a good story here, I'm looking forward to seeing you refine it into something great!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for your review. I think you're right. It is too abrupt and I'm working on changing that in the coming chapters. I've also tried to tinker with this chapter a bit as well. Nothing too much, but a sentence here and there to flesh things out just a little bit more. Emotions explained aren't my strong point, but I'm working on it. Thanks for reading and especially for reviewing!

Alice_IW2005.05.28 - 03:51AM1: Chapter OneSigned
An intriguing scenario, and a nastily in-character Snape (something I always cherish!), but this chapter is a bit rushed. To get from Snape brooding over his missing wife to completely digesting and accepting Dumbledore's (very promptly deployed) pearl of wisdom in the space of two or three of the reader's minutes . . . well, it's just too much, I'm afraid. I have a hard time saying exactly what and where the problems were without taking a closer look at this: all the signposts for basic navigation seemed to be there, but nevertheless the tenor was off, in places even perfunctory. I suppose I expected more description to give the reader a better seat in the story and perhaps a scene break after Severus falls asleep and/or after he locks himself in his office -- something to give a better sense of the passage of time. Also, a few mechanical errors/typos detract, though not much (the paragraphing error at the end, capitalising 'headmaster' when it's not used in direct address, missing hyphen ('razor sharp'), 'Weasley's' for non-possessive plural, a missing semi-colon somewhere, etc.). Anyway, I still loved your Snape -- so nice to see him there in all his jealous, bitter, socially inept glory! And even your flashback of Hermione's explanation for the Russian doll seemed perfect for her. Looking forward to the next chapter.

Author's Response: This isn't the first time I've been accused of rushing things or not going into enough depth. It's something I'm working on, especially in this story. I'm struggling with it on later chapters as well. If you do happen to take a closer look, I would like to hear what you think. As for the grammar, it was looked over by my beta and sent back to me twice before it was validated. But even three different pairs of eyes can't catch everything I'm afraid. I hope the next chapter will give you a better sense of where I'm going and what I hope to do with this story. Thanks so much for your detailed review. I do so love constructive criticism.

Jana2005.05.28 - 02:28AM1: Chapter OneSigned
Fascinating so far. I really hope you continue soon.

Author's Response: Updates will be slower on this one, but never fear it will be finished! Thanks for reading.

scully_m_2005.05.28 - 12:27AM1: Chapter OneSigned
Ah... this fic I can tell will be interesting. I can't wait for more.

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reading!

Atropos2005.05.28 - 12:14AM1: Chapter OneSigned
Yay, new story! I like the way it's heading.

Author's Response: Thanks!

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